Chad Schapiro: If Only....

Have you ever had an "if only" thought? "If only I had a larger warm market...if only I didn't have a day job...if only I had more money to invest."

The "if onlys" go on and on: "If only I had more time...if only I knew more non-profits...if only I were a better leader...if only my past were different, or my mother hadn't abandoned me, or my father hadn't beaten me...if only my last boss hadn't built my confidence...If only these people or this situation were different...if only they hadn't changed the format, the program, the system, or the way we used to do it."

Well, forget about it. "If only" only cultivates a negative attitude that keeps you from doing what needs to be done. What is, is! People are what they are, and they do what they do.

"But it's not fair; things shouldn't be this way or that," you might say. Maybe not. But "if only" is not a magic phrase that can make things better. In fact, it only adds to a sense of despair and helplessness. Children wish; mature adults don't wish--they act. Life is not a fairy tale. It is what it is, and reality has no mercy on those who don't get it.

"If only" thoughts and comments are the beginnings to a negative attitude. The way out is to cultivate, develop, and embrace a philosophy that is action oriented, uplifting, and cultivates a positive attitude. Know, and accept, that no problem is bigger than you are. You have what you require to put it all together. It may be true that something happened in your life that angered, inconvenienced, and hurt you. However, resenting someone or something only prevents you from extracting the lesson from that situation or event--and moving on.

Life does not stop because you had or are having an unpleasant experience. It only can be an excuse-making tool for your unwillingness to do the work required. Stop it. When you know what you have to do, do it. Not wanting to is no excuse. If you choose not to do it, don't complain about the consequences; and certainly don't offer "if only" as an excuse or a reason to change things.

If you don't know what to do, go into a discovery mode. Ask questions; search for answers; read this blog, review the website; or find your expert. Stop wishing it were different; look for answers. Get started now! No one will do for you what you must do for yourself.

Affirm that "I am going to do my best," and treat yourself well when you make some progress. At the same time, remember that you are not alone. Unless you are isolated on an island, you have your expert, the company, friends, family, and allies all around to help make things happen.

It's not over until you say it's over, and it is only too late if you never start! Clear your deck of "if onlys." They take you nowhere. They are as significant as the following statement..."If only my grandmother had wheels, she'd be a trolley car." It's meaningless. Believing that everything teeters on "if only," as if "if only" is the reason things can't be changed, prevents you from going forward and living well. I'd be great "if only they hadn't cheated me or changed things." Hey, wake up, this is it. Deal with it and go forth.