Good and Bad of Self-Image

There are 4 main ways we see ourselves unfairly:
1. Through our parents, teachers and peers. This can adversely affect us in 5 ways:
A. Negative, destructive criticsm. A person must hear something 6 times before it registers on the mind, forms an emgram, and becomes part of the memory pattern.
B. Through unfair comparisons. We should only be trying to compete with ourselves.
C. Through rejection.
D. Self-depreciation.
E. An unrealistic view of failure. We fail and start new. We are never a failure we just did not hit our goal in that time. Failure builds character, perseverance, ambition, drive, patience, and faith. Turning failure to success builds satisfaction, self-confidence, and fulfillment. Failure is never final.

2. Others expectations and opinions of them.

3. The negative society we live in. All of the media.

4 Through self-talk. As discussed above it only takes 6x to become a memory. How often to we play things back in our own mind over and over. If we even tell someone something negative not only did the negative event occur which we thought about once then, but now we are thinking about telling that person (twice now thought of), and then we tell them which creates 3x now that event has been played out in our mind already.

People can take one of three paths. One that leads to success, one that leads to failure, and on that leads to mediocrity. Mediocrity is the most dangerous and the easiest because it doesn't cost anything. In addition people don't want others to succeed because it will make them look in the mirror at how they are living.

People who consistently attack others are doing so because of their own insecurities and negative feelings about themselves.

People with low self-esteem are:
1. Preoccupied with feeling of being a nobody which create 2 behaviors:1.Expectation of rejection, humiliation, and failure. 2.They get walked on by others because they thing they deserve it.
2. They criticize and find fault in others to make them feel good.
3. They don't take criticsm. Have explosive tempers. They have a hard time with the difference between someone as a person and their performance.
4. Frightened by everything. People need to love themselves just as they are. From this self-love, people can accept and love others.
5. Poor self-esteem cause serious relationship problems, causes marital problems. Insecurity puts them on defense and attack.
6. Love to gossip.
7. Scared of what failure may bring. They are secure with the past because they know it.

We need to change our self-image. There was a true story of an inner city school that was having trouble keeping any teachers because it was so rough. The principal got the resume of one older lady and before she even stepped foot into the classroom he told he not to bother with it because it would be too hard. She refused to give up and said she was excited to work with these kids. After going back and forth with the principal he decided to let her do it and asked if she wanted a guard to be in the class with her. She said that wouldn't be necessary so he walked by her classroom regularly to see what was going on. It looked like all the kids were paying attention to her and acting better than they ever had before, but how would they do on the large state test. They passed it with better numbers than ever. The principal asked her how could this be, what was she doing. She said with such gifted children with IQ scores that were so high it was no wonder they were doing well. Those were not IQ scores but their locker numbers. She changed their self-image.

Good self-images:
1. Believe they are winners. Feel comfortable. May not be where they want to be but are on their way.
2. Very goal oriented in all areas.
3. Easily motivated and excited. We can't motivate others only create a climate for them where the person starts to see themselves as they can be.
4. Refuse to carry grudges.
5. Snap back from depression.
6. They have deep relationships that are unconditional, consistent, and often undeserved.
7. Can take a put down or criticsm without taking it personal.
8. Have self-confidence. Know and rest in your talents and that you will achieve your goals.